I'm So Excited

Starring: Javier Cámara, Cecilia Roth, Lola Dueñas, Guillermo Toledo, Blanca Suárez, Raúl Arévalo, Antonio de la Torre, Hugo Silva, Miguel Ángel Silvestre, José María Yazpik, Carlos Areces and two exceptionally small and pointless cameos by Antonio Banderas and Penélope Cruz

Directed by: Pedro Almodóvar

Rating: 0 stars

Just when I thought that films this year couldn’t sink any lower, along comes the horribly unfunny I’m So Excited (or Los Amantes Pasajeros in Spanish), a film so devoid of anything remotely humorous it quite literally makes you travel sick: it made me want to grab a sick bag and puke into my lap.

This picture pretty much sums up how low I'm So Excited nosedives...

I’m So Excited is a film so awful that no one in the cinema, at any point throughout the movie’s duration, laughed with it. Sure, people were laughing at it, mainly in complete disbelief that they were actually allowing themselves to sit through such complete trite.

And I thought Movie 43 was the only mind-numbingly terrible comedy I’d see all year.

I’m So Excited is about a group of disparate people aboard an airplane travelling from Spain to South America. ‘Quirky’ characters include three offensively stereotypical gay air stewards (Cámara, Arévalo and Areces) who shag each other and every single man (gay or straight) that they come across, an annoying prophetic psychic (Dueñas) and a hateful dominatrix (Roth). Not only is every single character on the plane travelling or working in first class, all the men are gay and all the women are psychotic. Also, half way through the film for no real reason, everyone is drugged and becomes incredibly horny.

Trust me, Cecilia, we're pissed off too... But at least you got paid for this shit!

Not only is every single ‘joke’ in I’m So Excited about oral or anal sex and being homosexual, it also contains extremely upsetting humourless and distasteful jokes such as the group of overtly homosexual flight attendants lip syncing to The Pointer Sisters’ disco classic I’m So Excited and a rape scene that we are supposed to find funny because the woman committing the horrific crime is a virgin and hey: it’s funny to see unconscious men be sexually assaulted. Not only is this atrocity an awkward double standard, it is also made worse by the fact that the man doesn’t seem to be phased by it at all, and then ends up with the woman who raped him. Happy ever after indeed… Not sure people would feel quite the same way if the gender roles were reversed.

The air stewards plus one psychic delve into someone's personal life before committing horrific sex acts...

There are also some bizarre and incredibly unnecessary sub plots, including a woman falling in love with the hit man hired to kill her, a man being reunited with his long lost daughter and a famous actor (Toledo) stopping his ex-girlfriend from committing suicide.

This suicide subplot takes place on the ground, not in the air, and is a serious drama that could by itself have splintered away from this atrocity and been a much better movie. This is mainly down to Blanca Suárez, quite possibly one of the most beautiful women I’ve seen on film, playing Ruth. She gets a good ten minutes of screen time, and even though her part has absolutely nothing to do with the rest of the film, it is worth seeing her up on screen just to bask in her beauty.

Blanca Suárez is the only good thing about the entire movie. And that's only because she's beautiful.

Most unfunny moments of I’m So Excited include: the uniquely terrible dance routine that fail at being either camp or comical, the rape, another rape that technically it isn’t a rape because it is his wife and she has ‘sleep sex’ with him and everyone being completed wasted and/or stoned.  

They want out of the plane and we want out of the cinema...

At the very beginning of the film there are two cameos by Hollywood stars who turn up for about two minutes for absolutely no reason at all except to show that director Almodóvar can simultaneously wield his star power and single handedly destroy the reputation of himself and everyone else involved in one of his atrocious messes.

Javier Cámara leads the cast to their metaphorical doom in this career ending movie

I’m So Excited. A film in which everyone is gay, everyone is horny, everyone is drunk and everyone is high. Crowbar in a musical number, an orgy and a strangely happy ending and you get a film that is so stupid it makes Dude Where’s My Car? look like a piece of high art.

Interestingly enough, I’m So Excited begins with a disclaimer that warns the audience that none of the events are real. They may not be real, but they also aren’t interesting. Or funny. Only the beautiful Suárez managed to pique my attention: if not for her I would have walked out as soon as humanly possible.

Run, Blanca, run! Run while you still can!! It's not to late to get out of the contract!!

Instead of a disclaimer, I propose that I’m So Excited should have started with a warning; a warning pleading the audience to run out of the cinema as fast as they could and never look back.

If I had the choice of being locked in a movie theatre with either a second screening of I’m So Excited or the Blob, I’d rather take my chances with the flesh melting monster any day.